Cam & Rachelle: Am I going crazy or falling in love? Maybe both??

Having twins is a tough gig. My hair is falling out and depending on how I wear it, you can actually see bald spots. I'm producing about 3 oz of breast milk a day, I keep telling myself to give up already, but I'm a weirdo and I keep at it. It's quite ridiculous, honestly.

I'll admit that there are moments, although few and far between, that I break down and cry wondering if I've failed as a parent. I think it just comes with the job. When I've had the worst day where getting them to eat and nap has seemed like the biggest struggle, I find solace in the fact that tomorrow is a new day and I can start over. Plus, the world helps me realize that there's a ginormous barrier between me and the world's worst mother.

Not every day is a struggle though. In fact, for every frustrating moment, I have 100 wonderful, rewarding moments. More often than not, the babies are so happy and their smiles are contagious! We waited a long time for these babies and even though I wanted them so badly, I spent a lot of time worrying about what kind of mother I would be and whether they would love me.

When my babies are crying and I can just pick them up and make things all better (most always ;)) it's like some sort of super power. I understand why people have so many children, even on my worst days I can easily see myself doing this so many more times. Sometimes I will risk waking them up just so I can sneak into their room and watch them while they sleep. That sounded creepier than I wanted it to, but I swear it's out of love.

The babies will be 5 months in a couple weeks. One of the many great things about having twins is that you get two babies with two very different, very fun personalities. You experience the best of everything. Plus, while most people get to experience newborns for a month, maybe two - I got to experience mine for a couple months longer. It really has been the best and I'm a little sad it's ending, but excited for this new stage.

Ollie

He is such a ham!! I love it! His smiles are so big and so constant. When he sleeps, his lips pout and his cheeks are so squishy. He loves to play and spends a lot of time on his play mat. He'll snuggle his head under my chin while I'm holding him, which is the most precious thing and there's not a lot that he won't laugh at. Sometimes I'll set him down on the changing table to change him, and while I'm wiping his bum he'll just start laughing hysterically. I think he'll have an awesome sense of humor when he grows up.

We just went to a follow-up screening with Sacred Heart. They checked their development and said that he is so smart and ahead of other babies his age.

He's so strong and he's growing so fast! He's been turning over for a month now from his back to his front to his back again. He can lift himself up on his belly and looks around the room at everything - then freaks out that he's on his belly and wants you to correct it.

His favorite toy right now is a giraffe noise maker I got at my baby shower.

Madelyn

Little Millie is a doll!! Everyone calls her Maddie, but to me she's either Miss Madelyn or Little Millie. She is so precious, a sweetie, and such a cuddle bug. When she smiles, she scrunches up her nose and smiles with her whole face. It seriously melts my heart.

She is a talker, and a loud one at that! She will talk to herself (and I swear sometimes to her toys) while kicking her legs in the bouncer. It's been somewhat of a struggle to get her to nap longer than 15 minutes throughout the day, but she'll sleep so well at night. She loves being on the play mat with her brother and they'll hold hands.

Lately when she sleeps, she'll always turn her head to the right. She loves her pacifiers and can't fall asleep without being swaddled.

Her favorite toy right now is an octopus that hangs from the play mat. She's been grabbing at it and sometimes I'll unhook it and put it in the bouncer with her to suck on.