The Heart Breaking Negative

When we first decided to start trying back in January/February of 2012, I was really naïve in thinking it would happen quickly and easily. I knew the basics of how babies were made and I thought it was in the bag. That first month when I received a negative, I was shocked! I was sure there must have been a mistake so I took 3 more pregnancy tests just to make sure.

After a couple months of being unsuccessful, I chalked it up to the birth control I had used. It might just take a while to completely leave my system.

After 6 months I was confused and really frustrated. Why wasn’t this happening? Cam was very supportive and loving, but to him it was just a matter of trial and error. He kept saying, “don’t worry, it will happen when it happens.” I love that he's so positive.

I of course could never forget the love and support I receive from people as well. I’m almost surprised with how common infertility is. I’ve genuinely appreciated the advice and comfort I’ve received from people who understand the pain and frustration of infertility and have offered a listening ear and shoulder.

This month has been a very long and difficult one for Cameron and me. We started on Clomid back at the beginning of the month. It’s made me extremely sick and hormonal, I feel like I’m always crying for no reason at all. I go in week by week to see if my follicles are ready for the HCG shot. I had been feeling extreme nausea and cramping from my overly stuffed ovaries.

The very next day (after the HCG shot), we had to go to Spokane to get the sperm wash, then we had to go straight to Coeur d’ Alene to get the IUI done; this was very painful and uncomfortable. I don’t know if it’s like that for everyone, but my doctor isn’t very gentle with any of his procedures.  I then started on the Progesterone pills which again made me very nauseous and gave me extremely painful cramps. So painful at times that I had to stop whatever I was doing and just breathe.

All in the month of May, Cam took off close to 20 hours of work; we spent just over $1000 on meds, scans, tests and driving. We told ourselves not to get our hopes up, but it was very difficult. We convinced ourselves that it just had to work, it had to!! I can’t imagine having to go through this every month…I’m sure I just need to buck up and stop complaining.

We waited the 15 days after the HCG shot and yesterday I took the test. I just knew it was going to be positive and was getting really excited. The past couple nights I had fallen asleep thinking about our baby to be and how much I loved it already. I imagined all the things we were going to do together.

 I waited 5 minutes and then slowly walked into the bathroom and crept up to the pregnancy test resting on the counter. Not pregnant.

My heart fell and I wasn’t exactly sure what to do. I stared at it as the minutes went by, confused. Not pregnant. I dropped it in the trash can, then walked into my room and sat on my bed. Not pregnant… I kept saying this over and over in my head….What did I do wrong? Did I not lie on the table long enough after the IUI? Did it take too long to get the Sperm from Spokane to Coeur d’ Alene? This just can’t be!!! Not pregnant. 

I started reasoning with myself…maybe it was too early, maybe I should take a blood test, maybe pregnancy tests just don’t work on me. I went back in an hour later, fished it out of the trash to look at it again because I had probably read it wrong. Not pregnant. I called the nurse at the fertility clinic to ask her if I had calculated the time wrong. She very nicely told me that no, I wasn’t pregnant and that we’d have to start all over in a week.

After that phone call I just broke down. I collapsed on my bed and cried for hours. Why was this happening?! Cam came up and we laid there cuddling, crying and heartbroken.

I’ve finally stopped crying (for now) and come to the realization that we just have to start over. I’m so scared and apprehensive about going through another month of constant nausea, cramps and maybe hot flashes if I get lucky. Plus, I’m really worried that this just isn’t working. What if I’m going through all this Clomid and IUI’s for nothing? I pray that there is a baby out there for me, even if it’s just one.

Our Adorably Silly Puppy

I let Bruno hang out with me on the bed if I'm doing some work upstairs...He sees this as an opportunity to take up the entire bed and to steal Stan, the stuffed hippo Cam gave me back in 2010 when I got a bad case of the flu.

He'll find the funniest most entertaining ways to nap. We swear we didn't pose him for this, this is just how he sleeps sometimes.

He also sleeps like this sometimes. Not very comfortable for Cam. 

I can't believe how much he's grown! I'd guess that he's about 55lbs right now, and still has about 100 more lbs to go. He's super sweet and just so darn cute and lovable! I think we'll keep him. 

Can you believe he used to be this tiny?!

Canned Homemade Pasta Sauce

This is one of my most exciting posts yet and I am so excited to share this recipe with you! Below, I give you a step by step tutorial on making homemade pasta sauce, canning it, and then how to prepare a pasta dish with the sauce. 

What's great about this recipe, is that there's nothing unhealthy about it, it's filled with vegetables, and has no added sugar. Read on, and I hope you enjoy and are filled with my wisdom, lol.

This recipe made a little over 5 pints. If you want to increase the recipe, here's some helpful tips:

1 carrot to one can of tomatoes

1 celery stalk to one can of tomatoes

1/2 white onion to one can of tomatoes
1 bay leaf to one can of tomatoes

2 garlic cloves to one can of tomatoes

These are the basic ingredients, but you can add all sorts of veggies to them to make them delicious. 

Here's my sauce recipe, as well as a picture tutorial below:

1/2 white onion, diced

1 leek, diced

4 garlic cloves, diced

2 carrots, diced

2 celery stalks, diced

6 mushrooms, halved or quartered

1 bell pepper, roasted and chopped

3 Roma tomatoes, roasted and chopped

1 can of tomato paste

2 cans crushed tomatoes

2 bay leaves

olive oil

salt and pepper

So, as far as equipment, you'll need a canner and I got this canner at Walmart for $20. You'll need a stock pot (large soup pot) and some pint jars with lids. Some canning tongs would be helpful, as well as a towel to leave the jars to dry. 

Just to show you a head of time, these are all the ingredients minus the tomato paste, olive oil, salt and pepper.

In the bowl are some roasted red peppers and tomatoes. 

Here's how to do that, it's super simple and quick:

Set the oven rack to as high as it will go, without letting the product touch the top of the oven.

Put the oven on broil, which will hopefully set it to as high as it will go, 500 degrees.

Once heated, put the vegetables/fruit on the pan and into the oven. After 5 minutes, open and turn the vegetables/fruit to get an even char.

Once out of the oven, place them in a bowl and cover with Saran wrap, this will help you peel the skin off really easily. Then, chop up the peppers and tomatoes and set aside.

First, salt and pepper the onions, leeks and garlic after you throw them into the pot, salt will help draw out the water and sugar. Sweat them (which means cooking until translucent).

Then, add the carrots and celery. Interesting Tip: Onions, Celery, and Carrots are a base for many french and Italian cooking. It is known as a mirepoix (pronounce "meer-pwah").

Once the carrot and celery are cooked down, add the mushrooms, bay leaves, roasted pepper and tomatoes. Stir and cook.

Add 2 cans of crushed tomatoes. You're probably wondering why I'm not using fresh tomatoes. Here's the deal: Canned tomatoes are almost better than fresh. The reason why is because the people who put this product into cans, wait until the precise ripe moment to pick them, then they can them in their own juices which adds tons of flavor. I picked out two cans of crushed tomato that didn't have any other ingredients other than a little salt and lemon juice. 

Add a can of tomato paste to help thicken the sauce.

Turn the heat down and cover to simmer for an hour. Stir frequently to prevent scorching.

Sanitize and heat the jars in boiling water for 20 minutes before using. Laddle the sauce into the pint jars and only fill to the base of the neck. Place the lids on and screw the rings on tightly. Place the jars in the canner (this batch made a little over 5 pints, I saved the remainder in my fridge to use). Then place the lid over the canner. Leave to can for 35 minutes.

After you take them out of the canner, place on a cloth to air dry and cool down. They'll make popping sounds as they cool down, which is a good sign. After several or more hours, press down on the lids (I just checked the next morning). If they're firm, they're sealed. If they bounce back...oops.

How to Make Pasta the Right Way

I like to measure out my pasta before I use it to prevent myself from easily cooking too much. A serving is 2oz, so I measured 3.5 oz (I was hungry). 

Now don't feel too guilty about eating this meal and remember "everything in moderation." 2oz of pasta really isn't a lot, but 4oz was a little too much. Doing a serving and a half for myself was just right. My sauce recipe is basically all fruit and vegetables without any added sugar. Of course pasta comes with carbs, but eating a balanced healthy meal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner keeps me from binging on unhealthy things through out the day. If you want, use whole grain pasta (I will never understand why anyone would want to do that).

Salt your water before you bring it to the boil (this is crucial!!). Once the water is boiling, add the pasta, turn the heat to medium/low, and cover. I used Rotini pasta and it took about 8-9 minutes to cook.

In a skillet, pour a little olive oil (for taste) and turn the heat to med, med/low. We're going to heat up the sauce first. I used a spoon to get the contents out of the jar rather than pouring, just to make sure I got some veggies and not just sauce. I don't like my pasta too saucy, so I try to do an even sauce/pasta ratio. Eyeball it if you can.

After the pasta is cooked, drain the pasta and immediately place in the pan with the sauce. Pour in about 1 Tbs of the pasta water into the pan as well. The starch from the water will help thicken the sauce as well as provide a silky texture.

Chiffonade some basil beforehand, if you don't know what that means, here's a video to help you out: It's basically just stacking the basil, rolling it and then cutting it into strips.

Add the basil to the pasta and mix in.

Garnish with a pinch of Parmesan cheese and serve. This is so delicious and I will fight you if you tell me it's not healthy!

Belated Easter

Back at the end of March, I bought an egg dye kit for Easter and then Cam and I never dyed eggs. So we did it tonight. 

 Cam didn't like how his egg was turning out.

 Bruno wanted to be part of the fun.

Mine are the red one, green one, and gross looking purple one on the bottom right.

Easy Peasy, Super Delicious, Slow Cooked Shredded Chicken

I'm sorry for the super long title, but how else could I describe this super easy, delicious recipe, that I know all you are going to want to try. I know everyone might be a little scared of the process of slow cooking things but with the right herbs and spices, the prep time for this recipe is so simple and fast, the only time that's taken is in the oven. 

Let's get started. Grab a pot. I really really recommend a cast iron pot. 

You can get them anywhere that sells kitchenware. I use this thing for everything, because it's cast iron, it takes a lot of heat and protects the food inside by distributing the heat evenly. 

Other things you can use are: a ceramic pot, casserole dish covered in tin foil, or a stainless steel pot with a lid.

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.

Grab a bag of chicken, I got this bag from Fred Meyer.

Dump all the chicken (it will be frozen) into the pot. 

There are so many possibilities when it comes to herbs and spices, you can really do anything. Here are some of my best herb and spice blends. Just mix the designated blend together and pour over the chicken in the pot.

Classic Roast Chicken Herb Blend

1 Tbs Kosher Salt

1/2 tsp Black Pepper

2 tsp Garlic Powder

2 tsp Thyme

1 tsp Sage

1 tsp Rosemary

* add 2 Tbs of butter to the pot as well

Cajun Chicken Spice Blend 

(Cameron's favorite)

1 Tbs Kosher Salt

1/2 tsp Black Pepper

2 tsp Garlic Powder

1 Tbs Paprika

opt. 1/2 tsp - 1 tsp Cayenne (for spicy)

Simple Savory Spice Blend

1 Tbs Kosher Salt

1/2 tsp Black Pepper

2 tsp Garlic Powder

Asian Honey Ginger Chicken

1 Tbs Kosher Salt

1/2 tsp Black Pepper

2 Garlic Cloves, chopped

1 Tbs crushed Ginger

2 Tbs Honey

2 Tbs Soy Sauce

A handful of chopped Green Onions

A handful of honey peanuts

                   ______________________________________________________________

Add 2 cups of water to the chicken. Put the lid over the pot and set in the oven. Cook for 1 to 1.5 hours, take the pot out and stir the chicken around. Try to keep the chicken as whole as possible, I like it to fall apart on it's own, or stir it at the end. After stirring, replace the lid and put the pot back in the oven. Cook for another couple hours, stirring every so often. I cook it anywhere between 3-4 hours. Or until the water has evaporated. Take some tongs and break the chicken up.