What a Morning...slash, Couple of Days!

**I realize this blog post enhances my dramatic qualities and may shed some unfortunate light on my neurotic craziness...Bare with me if at all possible.

It's been a really stressful couple of days. I was an emotional wreck yesterday, imagining everything that could possibly go wrong with Bruno's surgeries. I just hated that whatever happened to Bruno was out of my control.

I drove to and from Deer Park a couple times, which was such a fun drive. I forgot how much I love driving through Millwood, and Stoneman Road was awesome (Sense the sarcasm)! I will say that the views out that way are gorgeous, sarcasm aside.

I wish I could have enjoyed the drive a little more, but as I was driving down bumpy roads and stopping for deer in  the road, I felt that I was literally taking my dog to a farm upstate if you know what I mean. I was feeling a little horrible that he was so excited, staring out the window, not knowing of the horrors that awaited him.

I felt a little uncomfortable that I didn't know this Vet Clinic or anyone there and I was putting my dog's life in their hands. Despite the gastropexie surgery being a common procedure among Great Danes, the woman at the front desk muttered under her breath that she thought it seemed a little extreme. This didn't help my already guilty conscience.

When I got home, I cried; I also set an alarm for the soonest I could pick him up. I tried to go back to bed because I had to get up early to take him, but my dreams were filled with dog murdering veterinarians.

When I did pick Bruno up, he was so lethargic. When the woman brought him out of the back, he literally walked (zombie-like) right past me. I felt bad making him jump into my Ford Explorer, but he seemed to handle it well. He slept all the way home, which was to be expected, and I drove like an 80 year old woman while trying to avoid all the potholes.

They cut my baby!

When I arrived home, I realized that I had hardly eaten and I and my two babies were starving. Cam watched Bruno as I went and picked up Cafe Rio (taco salad with extra guacamole for me). 2 hours later, I was finally able to sit down and eat. Bruno couldn't eat anything and giving him his pills were a little difficult. We had to literally shove them down his throat, which he didn't appreciate. He glared at me from across the room for a while after that.

By the time I went to bed last night, I was so emotionally and physically drained. On top of that, I couldn't sleep and tossed and turned all night and I had to come out and check on Bruno every so often to make sure he was still alive. It was awful.

This morning, Bruno was in a chipper mood which of course, lifted my spirits. I think he was just ready to get out of his crate and stretch. I was skeptical of feeding him, because I wasn't sure how he'd handle it. I cut up two turkey necks (which is a small meal for him) into small bite-sized chunks, and mixed that with some egg (sounds delicious, right?).

Can you see his runny nose? He's got a cold. He's a cutie pie though!

I was surprised with how good he ate, normally he doesn't want to eat after stressful situations. So then we came up to the living room and basked in the morning sunshine that poured through the windows, when Bruno pukes up his entire breakfast onto the register. Yep...the register. I watched as half mutilated turkey necks and egg oozed out everywhere seeping down into the air vent.

I was too exhausted and dead inside to really freak out. I messaged Cam who came upstairs and helped me clean it up. Seriously, Cam deserves an award. He's super stressed out with work, but dropped it all to come up and help me clean up the mess. I love him so much!

I will say that having a carpet cleaner has made my life so much easier. We bought it back in December for $120 and it has already paid for itself. I recommend it for everyone, as it picks up most stains.

Bissell 3624 Professional Spot Cleaner Deep Clean Portable

Luckily, we were able to clean up all the stains and clean out the register and vent...they're now cleaner than ever and Bruno and I are again, basking in the morning sunshine.

I'm a very emotional person, it's something that I've inherited from my mother. It's not always a bad quality, but I do take it a bit far. It has also been known to give me many an ulcer. I'm just a natural worrier and will feel guilty about anything and everything.

All of that aside, I'm not ashamed of how much I love my puppy. He's my baby, and he's been by my side through some really tough times. I would no sooner give him up than give up a child. Aside from Cam, he's my best friend and he truly makes me happy.

Our Babies (update) and Bruno's Manhood

On Thursday we went in for our monthly ultra sound and I was about 16.5 weeks at the time. I met my doctor for the first time, who is super sweet and super chipper...seriously, really chipper! I was able to ask her questions and she listened to the heartbeats which are always nice to hear.

We weren't expecting to be able to find out the genders until 18 weeks, which is what they told us last time, but all of a sudden she was like "well, let's go find out what those babies are!" She went to go check on the ultra sound technician, and of course, Cam and I were getting really excited.

When we went back for the ultra sound, a part of me was trying to prepare myself to be disappointed...maybe their little legs would be in the way or an arm and we wouldn't be able to find out.

She found baby A really quickly and as soon as I heard "it's a girl", I just started bawling, laughing...all sorts of emotions. I was so happy! Then she moved over to baby B, and we all could see very clearly what the gender was: a baby boy!!!! Again, so many tears, and laughter.

Our Baby Girl

 Our Baby Boy

Both of us suspected that we were having one of each, but I don't think anything can prepare you for that moment. I was so happy and emotional and I still can't really fathom that I'm having one baby, let alone two. I know some people like to wait to find out the genders once their born, but I feel that either way, it's a surprise and this way I can be prepared.

They're both doing really well, and finally the same size (5oz). Apparently, they're the size of a pear this week.

I still haven't bought a thing. If I could, I'd move into our new home tomorrow for convenience sake. I'm going to be so pregnant when we do actually move and I'm afraid to buy anything until we do. I have been browsing online and figuring out exactly what I want, that way when the time comes, I can just buy it.

This year is a stressful one, but I'm trying to find ways and time to enjoy it. I sometimes feel guilty for wishing the time away.

On to other news, Bruno's getting neutered. He really has no idea what's in store for him tomorrow around 9:00 am.

As a loving tribute to two little boys that have been much a part of his life as they have ours (he likes to put them on us and then growl - as if we're the one's who dared touch his privates):

So Happy it's Spring!

I will definitely miss the cherry trees lining our street when we move. Maybe I'll plant one in front of our new home. They're all in bloom and so gorgeous! You can also see the lilac bush in front of the window which will bloom in early May.

I went out to weed yesterday and some of the pansies that I planted in my wine barrel last year, spread to other parts of our yard. I transplanted them back into the wine barrel, but had to take a picture cause they were just so darn pretty.

It rained all day today and will all week. Bruno gets really sad on rainy days because the sun doesn't keep him warm when he lays by the window. Whenever we get up from a seat, he immediately takes it.

It amazes me how he can conform to any sitting space.

Pregnancy Update

Each day I think about my two babies and how much I can't wait to see them!

Cam and I are 15 weeks now. I have my 16 week appointment in a week and a half and in 3 weeks, I'll be able to find out the genders. I'm really excited! I haven't bought a thing and I think it will be easier once I do find out the genders.

I've been tired lots, maybe not as much as at first. My nap time is usually around 2, lol that's usually when I pass out. I only sleep for a half hour, but it's a nice re-charge.

I pee a lot! More than you wanted to know? Seriously though, it's a lot.

I'm always out of breath. A friend of ours who's a doctor explained that my heart is pumping 3x the amount. The stairs seem like Mt. Everest at times.

I've been craving potato chips a lot! This is nothing new, they're my kryptonite. Normally I'm able to say no to buying them and walk away, but my self control has completely gone out the window.

I've also been eating lots of fruit like grapes. I get a whole bag of them at Safeway and by the end of the day they're gone. Albertson's hasn't been stocking my Envy apples lately which has been a devastating blow to my diet...they were my main staple. I get orange/mango juice for Cameron's smoothies, but it hasn't quite made it to the smoothie stage as I've been drinking it all....oops.

I've been getting these really intense side aches which I think are associated with my stretching belly.

Lol, we're starting to be more active at church again. Today I made it through all 3 hours of church + choir - that went over 20 minutes. I felt so proud of myself.

I always feel super awkward posing for photos

All in all, things are great and I'm loving life. Cam has been the best, and although this year has been stressful with everything that's going on, the pregnancy has always been the best part. 

Nightmare on Stevenson Road

Courtesy of knowyourmeme.com

So I totally forgot this even happened until Cameron asked the question "do you remember screaming your head off last night?" I looked at him, confused, when it all of a sudden dawned on me...I thought that was a dream!!

So I've been having the craziest dreams lately, and due to my PTSD, it's not uncommon for me to talk, cry, or even scream (not that loud) in my sleep. But last night, I woke up screaming so much and so loud that I'm surprised the neighbors didn't call the cops...I'm actually a little offended (lol, not really).

So I went to bed last night with a severe migraine and my RLS was acting up like crazy, so the sleep I had was pretty restless. There was a time when I did wake up and took a hot bubble bath hoping that it would ease the tension of my legs and head...it did, but only momentarily.

One particular time that I woke up, slowly opening my eyes realizing that I had to pee yet again, I see this man standing over me. No joke, I was (what I thought) completely awake and there was this man standing over me. I could make out his outline, his eyes staring at me, and he was holding a bouquet of balloons (he must have been a clown, they're what nightmares are made of).

I started clawing, flailing, screaming...I mean, I don't scream...like scream, scream - but I was as terrified as a person could possibly be. And he wasn't leaving, so I really thought he was real. I happened to wake Cameron up - no kidding, and he just started shaking me asking me if I was ok and what was wrong. I remember him yelling my name over and over again, but all I could see was this man standing over me.

He did slowly disappear and I came back to a very disturbed, traumatized reality. I eventually made my way to the bathroom and then back to bed where I fell asleep. By the time morning came around, I was pretty sleep deprived and cranky, but I forgot about the man with the balloons until Cameron reminded me just now....and now it's all that I can think about. I keep repeating the words puppies and sandwiches....my favorite things, hoping that my mind will get off of it. I'm feeling a little crazy right now.